I have a deep-seated fear of humans, and I don't think my concerns are unfounded. I lost trust in people a long time ago, and while I’ve learned from those experiences, it’s made it incredibly difficult to open up. I’ve faced life-threatening situations: people have tried to kill me, I’ve been stabbed, beaten, raped, and abandoned in my times of need. These experiences have built a strong sense of distrust within me.
This distrust is so pervasive that once, after buying a jar of pickles from the store, I came home and found the taste was off. I feared someone had followed me, knowing my habit of buying pickles, and possibly poisoned them. I ended up throwing them out. I’ve also come home worrying that someone might have poisoned my food while I was away, trying to kill me. When people drive by and try to get my attention, I fear they have a gun and are planning a drive-by shooting.
On paper, I’m not crazy—I have a brain injury that has put my survival mode in a constant state of activation. This mode has been on for more than ten years, and each day I learn new ways to protect myself. I’m aware that if someone can’t get to me in one place, they might try a drive-by at my house or wherever I am.
The state of the world today validates my fears. People will do anything for money—kill, steal, lie, cheat, and betray. Backstabbers come in all forms: some are cops, FBI agents, Interpol officers, CIA operatives, Mossad agents, and CEOs. Even homeless people can be backstabbers. You can't judge a book by its cover, a principle I've always lived by.
I've spent time in prison and watched women devise schemes to get what they want. Some ended up there because they sold their souls, and the same goes for the men's prison. In this day and age, I trust no one. Your best friend, smiling in your face, could be the one who kills you for clout, greed, or just because.
I've seen attempts to stage kidnappings, where people break into your home in the middle of the night, or really at any time, to kill or kidnap you. They might take you away to kill or torture you. They monitor your online activity and follow you from place to place. They even befriend friends of your friends, making it impossible to trust anyone. I've witnessed every tactic in the book, and at this point in my life, nothing surprises me.
I've developed a keen insight into these criminal strategies because of what I've endured since I was a child. Sometimes I reflect and wonder, "Why did this happen to me?" But with God's blessings, wisdom, and knowledge flow freely. Even through pain and suffering, I see it as a test. As strange as it may sound, to an atheist, I might seem like a lunatic—luna-tic, which means moon madness. Considering the moon's effect on the Earth, there's a scientific angle that might resonate with them.
The truth is, no matter what happens, even if they kill me, I'm committed to doing the right thing. No trick they can pull has power over me.
While my fears may seem extreme to some, they are grounded in real experiences and a harsh reality. Every trick and scam I've encountered has shaped my understanding of the world, and even if I don't see every threat immediately, given time, my mind processes and recognizes them. I remain vigilant and determined to protect myself at all costs.